BelieveDo (ch 7) – Are You Where You Want to Be?

[The following is an excerpt from the motivational book, Believe. Do. And Follow Through!, that I co-wrote with Isaiah Whittaker]

Chapter 7

Are you where you want to be?

Wow! What a topic to think about!  This one topic can cause so much inner turmoil inside of the average person.  To truly answer the above question, you have to be really honest with yourself.

Have you reached a state of self-fulfillment, or are you just getting by from week-to-week, telling yourself, “things are going to get better”?

For example –
“Most people I know are living in the things-will-get-better state.  I found myself there, once in my life, until I took a painful journey of dealing with reality.

The first thing I had to do was identify my current state.  I was not happy with myself or my marriage.  As much as I wanted to fix my marriage and keep it together, my spouse did not…

I had finally woken up from a 13-year fantasy to face reality.  In addition to my marriage situation, I was not getting things in life accomplished the way I expected them to be accomplished.  I was floundering in acceptance of my situations.

What happened next was a true miracle, in my eyes.  My counselor, Julie Ramsey at the time, asked me a question that unlocked everything that was holding me back.  It was like someone had lifted a 100-pound weight off my chest!

After 13 years of my current situation, I could finally see all aspects of my relationship.  It was like I was totally naked to the truth.  The sad part of this was I realized that I was living a lie, and I was nowhere near where I wanted to be, in life.

The question she posed to me was, “You do realize you can’t make somebody happy if they’re not happy with themselves, right?”  

I was stunned! How could this be true?  That was too easy of a revelation of the simple truth.  How could I have not realized this before now?   My mind and heart were racing as I tried to make peace with this bit of reality.  What this meant to me was that I needed to face my situation without any excuses.  

For the first time in my life, I was about to greet reality face-to-face.  On that very day, I made up my mind that my life needed to change.  I needed to take the steps toward making this change.  

…talk about a sobering reality to deal with…  I had to face someone who had been a major part of my life and tell her that my life was about to change – that she was a part of this change.  At this point, I had to ignore everything but the facts and deal with the situation, or this change could never take place.

I sat down and defined my goals.  I had to do some research and figure out what it was going to take to make them happen.  A painful piece of the change meant getting a divorce and starting over.  It meant maybe living apart from my sons.  It meant going back to school for more education.  It meant sacrificing my weekends in the name of making me a better person.  Was I really up for this challenge?  Could I really pull this off?  I must be crazy to think I could actually get where I wanted to be in life.

The more I thought about the situation, the more it made sense to me.  I had to do this to be a better person, to be a better father, and to achieve the rest of my goals.  I can tell that you the road was tough, and it was an emotional journey I do not wish upon anyone – but it needed to happen.  Your situation might not be as drastic as mine, but it will still take being honest with yourself and answering the question in this chapter’s title (question) – without any reserve.”

Are you where you want to be?


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