I write the words that come to mind and wonder if anyone will ever receive blessing from them. I worry. I worry about:
- my children doing what they feel led to do
- not having a house to live in
- my wife dying
- being broke
- being a nobody
- failing at everything I do
You may never worry about those things or may think they’re silly, but I’ve fought them in my mind. So in that realm, they are real.
Demons chase us, and we chase demons – in our minds. They leave us alone for a little bit, but always come back to dance on the doorstep between the soul and the mind. They’ll leave us alone when we’re dead, but not before we’ve wasted life and breath on them. They’ll pursue and trick us into believing we could keep them at bay, knowing full well that we couldn’t. That’s part of what makes us embittered – knowing we’ve lost before we’ve begun.
Seeing our roots but not recognizing them is one of the greatest losses in the world. The way that we live is dependent on what we think. The road is tough at times, but we have to believe that it will get better, otherwise there is no use in going on – and to stop going on is to think selfishly about the continuance of our own lives and that of others.
Words cannot encapsulate the fears that we have at times, nor the emotions and depths of that pressure. Yet, in the midst of all the swirling mess, we have to believe that life is worth living. The judgment and hatred that others cast upon us is the least important that we receive or get thrown our way. Because in the midst of that anger lies the love from others that shall overcome hatred and win today, tomorrow, and the next day.
Whenever we deny death another day, we have done well. In due time, we shall bring before the Almighty the list of our accomplishments and hope for recognition in the midst of hatred. When standing there in that moment, we can but hope that the heavenly favor we seek will present itself to us in a kind and benevolent way.
If we have not been negelectful in our dealings with others, then the truth of the moment will ring out for all to see. The meanderings of our minds will not deny us from completing our purpose. It will keep us from doing it well, though.
We need to meander at times, in order to enjoy the sunsets and better understand the world around us. It’s when we cut ourselves off from others completely and only do the tasks before us in our minds that we cease to understand the beauty that persists even in the midst of death and betrayal.
Heaven belongs in our hearts if we will allow it entrance. Seek not the purposes of the world, but only fix eyes on the eternal blessings that await us in the end. Forever is a long time to try to understand and grasp, but that is the angle at which our perceptions should be set.